12.23.2008

randomness

Check out this little girl!!!   So Freaking Cute!!!

Tash.. Jas..  you guys make some beautiful babies!


So I posted about music recently.. thanks for everyone that has given me some suggestions.. I am checking them all out and we'll see how many albums I end up buying on iTunes.  Michelle.. Thanks for the invite to Pandora.   I really like it!  I've been listening to it all day today and have found an artist I really like.  Kate Nash..  beautiful songs, beautiful voice!  

It's a couple of days away from Christmas..  so to you all that celebrate it!  Merry Christmas..  and to you that don't.   Merry Hanukkah, Happy Winter Solstice, Happy Birthday to Mithra and what ever else is out there!

tortured

It's December. Kinda hard to believe that the year is almost over. Right about a year ago Eric and I decided that it was time to start trying to get pregnant. I had actually gone off birth control in March of '07 however we weren't actually trying at the time. I went off because I don't like being on the hormones. They are real rough on my body and I get infections and cause other physical pain that was pretty uncomfortable. So I quit taking birth control secretly hoping I would get pregnant quickly and easily. Then at the end of December very early January I was talking to Eric and we decided that we would actually start paying attention to everything. If you don't know what I mean by "everything" then too bad.. I'm not telling. So I started writing things down and paying attention to my body more.
That was such an emotional time for me. I would break down and cry every time my period started. It was so emotionally draining. Finally around June I was so emotionally drained by worrying about trying to get pregnant I decided to relax and be ok with not getting pregnant. I knew it wasn't good for me to be so stressed out about it all. I started going out with friends more and so long as my period started on time I was fine and I just moved on. I even gave up trying all together for a couple of months. I just needed to give myself a break. I just quit thinking about it. But as the year has passed and I inch to becoming 30 all the feeling of wanting to have a child came flooding back. It didn't help matters with my brother and his wife had their second child in October.
I hadn't been to the gynaecologist for 2 years and I finally went back. I needed to get my standard checkup and discuss with the doctor that we had been off birth control for 18 months and have had no luck getting pregnant. Fortunately my checkup went well and everything looks good. The doctor wants me to take ovulation tests for two months to be sure I am ovulating. If we don't get pregnant with the help of the ovulation tests the next thing to do is test Eric. We are not there yet but I worry.
Last month I did the first month of ovulation tests. I didn't have high hopes. I had tried ovulation tests with my previous marriage and I had never had a test come up positive. I really didn't believe that any of the tests would come up positive. But one day I walked back into the bathroom after taking a test and had to take a double take. The test was positive. I think I looked at that test 5 or 6 times making sure I read it correctly. HOLY CRAP! I was ovulating and I could prove it! Then came the waiting game. Wait.. wait.. wait.. my period should start today.. no wait it should start tomorrow... Then it came. I was upset but tried to not let it bother me too much. So now I'm getting ready to start the second round of peeing on sticks. I hope.. I hope we get our timing right.
I am now 1 month away from turning 30. I always thought I would have kids before I was 30. I thought I'd have kids.. plural.. more than one by the age of 30. It's pretty hard for me to swallow. I always thought that this would be easy for me. I don't know why I thought that but I never thought it would take 2 years to get pregnant. I know people have tried much longer than I to get pregnant but that doesn't mean it still isn't hard to endure.
I see children when we are out and about and it will bring me to tears. It's hard to explain how much I long to have a child. How much I want to look down at a baby that looks like Eric and I. Recently Eric's mom sent me pictures of him as a toddler and I will sit and stare at the pictures of him. I see that face and I wish I could hear what he had to say and to sit and watch him learn. I can't wait to see who our children will grow up to be. I see babies on TV and I think, "how lucky those people are to have that baby that is a piece of them". My heart hurts for the child I have yet to have. I never knew that anyone could long for something so badly.

12.21.2008

Crafty Presents

I decided to make something for my niece for Christmas instead of buying her a gift.

Originally I had hoped to make her a doll that had a rattle in side of it but I haven't found my old doll that I will use as a pattern and I didn't find any patterns on line that I liked. But then I ran across a blog posting about felt blocks. I thought they were pretty darn cute so I decided to make them myself.

This picture isn't the best because I took it with my my cell phone but you can get the idea.


The block is made out of felt and the colors are actually a lilac, light blue, gray & a deep purple. I'll have to post better pictures when I'm not so tired. The pattern I found the blocks were a bit smaller, these are 4" blocks. And I decided to put the shapes on them. I cut out shapes and sewed them onto the 4" squares with my sewing machine. I then hand stitched all the seams with an off white and bright pink thread. I then filled with batting inserting 2 bells so it jingles.



I do believe I have out done myself this year! This only took a couple of hours to get all the pieces cut out for 2 blocks and get the first one sewn together. The next one won't take too long since I have it all figured out now.

12.05.2008

Music

A letter to my friends.. well that and all of the Internet.

Dearest Friends,
I would like you to know that I like music. Actually I love music. While I don't like all music I have always felt a connection to music, the rhythm, the melodies, the emotions. I've been to a symphony concert and had tears rolling down my face because it was absolutely beautiful. I like classic rock, soft rock, heavy metal, classical, some country, folk, music from other countries where I don't have a clue what language it is or what they are saying but the sound is so awesome that I can't stop listening, hell I even like yodeling and polka. Okay, okay.. I think you get the point. Now the problem... I don't get out much. I listen to the radio but that is usually the only way I find new music. Which, by the way is really difficult (for me at least) to figure out what song is playing and by whom.. since the radio stations don't tell you that kind of stuff very often.. really pisses me off. I'm not much of a web surfing kind of gal. I've been doing more but still not very good at it and not sure that I care to be good at it. Internet sleuthing... not really my thing much. I get on the computer.. I check my email.. a very little bit of Hollywood gossip and that is pretty much it. So I am here now asking you all to let me know of bands you think I would like and that I should look up and listen. Hell.. even bands that have been around for a while.. that "I should know because everyone knows who The Smiths are!" And no.. I didn't know who The Smiths were until a few weeks ago.. I had no idea who Morrissey was!!! (told you I don't get out much!!) Yes I have heard some of their songs but I had never heard the band name The Smiths.
I bring this up because.. lately I keep hearing a song on the radio and I really like it. Rockin' out in my car driving down the highway. I never hear the radio idiots say what the name of the song is before it plays or by whom.. so I always wait for the song to be over and intently listen.. and then... and then... NOTHING! No song title... no band name.. nothing! Really pisses me off! Stupid radio. Lately the radio has pissed me off so much I haven't listened to it in over a week. Any way.. so my brother came to me just today telling me about a CD his wife got him and I go "hmm", you know I have heard of that band.. I have a couple of other friends that have mentioned them briefly amongst themselves and I finally thought.. well maybe I'll remember to look them up when I get home. Of course I don't look them up till..(what time is it.. ) 1:00AM! Which is the time I finally remembered to go out to the iTunes and type in their name. I pick the bands most popular song and WTF!!! THERE IS THAT DAMN SONG I HAVE CONSTANTLY WAITED FOR THE RADIO ASS-HOLES TO TELL ME WHO IT WAS THEY WERE PLAYING! So friends.. I have finally looked up Kings Of Leon. A lovely group of brothers and a cousin from Tennessee that has some pretty amazing music.
Oh.. so I should get to my point.. If you know of a band and you think I'll like it please mention it to me.. I may know a song or two without knowing the actual bands name.. and have been really frustrated in my inept ability to find music that I have heard and liked. Please please share.. because if you don't actually share that info with me I won't remember to look them up.. I am not real smart and would think.. "you know.. my friends have mentioned that band to each other... they really seem to like them.. but I don't have a clue who they are.. maybe I should look them up".. I really do need your help.. So I'm pleading with you now.. Please send me your suggestions. Please HELP ME! Make me listen!

My latest suggestion is holiday music: The Hotel Cafe Presents Winter Songs, my favorite song is called Winter Song by Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson. The album is by various artist singing winter or holiday songs. Other artists on the album include Brandi Carlile, Lenka, Fiona Apple, Katy Perry, Priscilla Ahn and more. Hope you enjoy.

You can listen to the whole song and see the video here
Below is a YouTube.com video I found of them working on the song in the studio.