losing hope

i'm losing hope with this.

every time i turn around something else happens that makes me feel like i'm constantly walking backwards away from my goal.. not toward it.

insurance - won't pay
bad count - sad day
insurance - can't get what i need when i need it
dr. office - wrong info
dr. office - not enough info
myself - just not working right..

i'm beginning to wonder if all this misery is worth it.. the pain, the money, the crying, the constant 2 steps forward 15 steps backward.  of course it will be if the goal is reached.. but there is no way to determine how long it will take.  there is no mile markers to show i'm closer.. i'm in the dark and will continue to be until it just happens.. if it happens.

how much more can i take before i just throw my hands up and say screw it.  i'm done.

today i'm just pissed and angry and wants to just be at home.