Today I miss my house in Raytown.  I was looking at pictures today and ran across a picture I took of Eric sitting on the couch when we lived there.  I miss the light that came into the house.  It was always very light in there during the day.  I also miss the smallness of the place.  As much as I bitched about not having enough space I kinda miss it.   I miss the closeness of it all.  It was harder for two people to be so separated by the things that they are doing because they were only one room away instead of upstairs and down the hall.  Now when I try to find Eric I have to walk through the house calling his name upstairs and down.  I feel so separated by it all.  Our current house isn't huge but it is much bigger and sometimes he feels miles away.

So my opinion of it..  bigger isn't better when it comes to homes.   Love your small hallways that make you connect with your loved one as you pass them.   Love your small kitchens and how quickly it is to clean it up and the constant "bumping" into your spouse or kids when you both are in there.  Love your small homes while they are yours.  Cherish those memories and those connections. 

On the other hand..  Yards are always better bigger!   The bigger the better!



Today I've been listening to some lovely music mostly consisting of Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong. I sit here at work and dream of where I would like to be right now.....

In a dark and smokey lounge with a band playing the music of Ella and Louis and other music of that era. A dark booth in the corner close to the band and obscured from most of the other patrons. A good bottle of wine and intimate conversation with a handsome man. While I enjoy sitting and listening to the music the thing I love the most is dancing. Dancing so close that you can't tell where one person stops and the other begins. Slow and without care. Feeling as if we are the only people in the room. My head resting in the crook of his neck. Taking in the smell of each others skin. Relaxing in each others arms letting the stress melt away.

That is were I am today.. where my dreams have taken me.


should be sleeping

It is the end of a 3 day weekend. This weekend was pretty great and completely unexpected. Friday we did a little shopping at Lowe's for a ceiling fan and an electric radiator. That evening we stayed in and just took it easy. Which was probably the best thing we could have done considering what the next two days brought us. Saturday I hooked up with a friend I haven't seen for far too long. We met up for breakfast at Atlanta Bread Co and chatted for a couple of hours. Another friend showed up toward the end of breakfast that I hadn't seen for awhile also. Celia & Christina.. It was good to see you again! Looking forward to more breakfasts! I went home after breakfast and Eric had gone out to a friends house for a few hours so to kill time I set out to install our new ceiling fan in the bedroom. I had to pat myself on the back for getting it up with no problems. I'd post a picture but I don't want to inflict the pain which is the crazy wallpaper on my bedroom ceiling upon you. After Eric got home we decided to go out. We decided upon O'Malley's. We normally don't go up to Weston on Friday or Saturdays but we thought what the heck. I looked up the band that was playing and they sounded pretty cool.. so we set out for Weston, MO. We got there and it was PACKED! Eric managed to find a table with a group of people that so kindly shared with us and we sat back and enjoyed the musical styling of Connacht Town. While there we ran into Wendy who we had met I believe on St Patrick's day up in Weston earlier last year. Of course I couldn't remember her name correctly and we called her Mindy.. but hey.. they sound alike! Anyway toward the end of the night Wendy came and sat with us and we had a blast. Met a few members of the band which by the way was amazing and I will see them play again! The lovely Wendy then introduced me to a shot called Irish Blow Job. So I proceeded to get drunk! I had a blast. As we were leaving Mike (one of the owners of O'Malley's) and Wendy asked us back on Sunday.. and we said Sure!! Why Not!! (first mistake). Sunday came and we went back up to Weston and we met up with Wendy again and I then had 3 1/2 pints of Magnars Cider, 2 Irish Blow Jobs, and 1 Irish Car Bomb.. I was wasted and we had a blast. I got so drunk I wasn't sure if I'd make it home without losing all the contents in my stomach.. We said our goodbyes and poor Eric had to drive a whiny drunk me home.. I always seem to remember how much fun it is to get drunk but never remember early enough how much it sucks to be so damn drunk and the pain it inflicts later.. It was amazingly awful. I did make it home and through the rest of the night without losing it. I had such a good time and hope Wendy considers us friends.. as we do her. So now it is Monday and Eric and I woke up feeling like crap but not really hungover. I was smart enough to take some Advil before I went to bed. We went out for breakfast and then got some more shopping done today and some laundry. I should have gotten more things done around the house this weekend but there is always tomorrow. So now I am sitting in bed and Eric is at work. Finally time to call the weekend over. I'm off to sleep now and hope I can get to sleep quickly and sleep soundly so that I can get up and go to work tomorrow and be productive. To Wendy, I'm glad we got to hang out and I hope we get together again soon and maybe have a couple of Irish Blow Jobs again!; Celia, it was good to catch up, till next month; Mike, I'm glad you got to see me! Ha!; Lauren, Coy, Justin & Jodie.. Thanks for sharing the table and all the laughs at O'Malley's; Eric, I always enjoy spending time with you and I already miss you and it's only Monday..... And Goodnight.


train of thought..

Sitting in bed.. listening to a bunch of lovely ladies singing songs that I wish I could write.
What could I write about 2008.. hmm.. not a whole lot. But it wasn't a bad year.. became an aunt for the second time.. she is so lovely.. got engaged.. love that man so so very much.. found some great music... still can't stop listening to kate nash... also found sia.. very nice another aussie.. i wish I could write such pretty things... makes me miss playing an instrument but I don't have time for that right now.. don't feel like i have time for much of anything.. little brother got engaged.. crazy... little brother getting married.. trying to plan my wedding.. not getting much done.. need more money and need it faster than it is showing up.. hoping work stress is less this new year.. last year work stress was pretty bad.. cried a lot about work.. skin problem on scalp very bad currently... missing my hair.. hope it comes back soon.. no babies for me yet.. still trying still hoping.. found Lenka also.. lovely singer sounds so upbeat in all her songs.. so lovely.. wish I could paint.. again no time... felt lonely a lot this past year... lost two furry kids.. still miss them so much.. they were with me for too short of time.. want a puppy but decided it wasn't time.. still miss dad.. realizing that a 30 year old woman still needs her father.. nothing fixes things like hugs from dad.. realize how much I look like my mother.. kinda crazy... but a good thing.. love her.. love my crazy family.. want more nieces and nephews.. wish I had more time with them.. wish they had everything they needed with less stress.. wish I could cook without having to clean dishes... wish I didn't have to clean at all.. but that isn't happening anytime soon.. so many projects so little time so not enough money.. got a knitting project started.. might actually finish this new scarf by the time winter is over.. love my dog and love my cats.. life would suck without furry creatures to cuddle with.... realize every day how much more I love eric.. I wish I could find a word that actually explained how much I loved eric... reminds me of some of my favorite lyrics from a kate nash song... `Well the stars up in the sky and the leaves in the tree All the broken bits that make you trip up and the grassy bits inbetween All the matter in the world, that’s how much I like you’... so lovely.. think it's time to finish this up as i'm a girl and this could go on forever.. finally.. I got some pictures off my camera.. here are the pictures from the trip to Eureka Springs.. love you all.. and wishing you the best 2009.