Love this..

Found a new blog today to read. Missed Connections NY.

I love the artwork.. I love the whimsicalness of the paintings..


Yogurt... bust.

So recently I went to Whole Foods to buy a few groceries. I saw this yogurt and loved the design of the label and thought I'd give it a try. I really like the consistency. Its very thick like a custard and it is very pretty. You can see the specks of the vanilla bean and can smell the vanilla also. However this yogurt is too bitter for me. I'm kinda sad that it was a bust. It's so pretty and I wanted to like it so much. I might try one of their fruit yogurts in hopes it is sweeter. I think I'm going to keep the label.


a new journey? Maybe.. but then again maybe not

{time for a little venting}


It's such a life change.. Do you want to just let it happen? But we have been just letting it happen for two and a half years. It should have happened by now right? Least that is what I think.

But it's scary when it's forced. Then we are forcing the life change. I'm not sure I'm ok with that. But shouldn't I find out if something is wrong? Perhaps...

It's one thing if it just happens and you go "oops! Looks like things are going to be different from now on". It's a whole other to feel the pressure and the larger emotional roller coasters should you force it. It just doesn't feel right to "make" it happen.

But everyone keeps mentioning it. "Why don't you just go?", "Do you want it?" (duh), "Hurry up! Pop one out!!"..

Enough all ready people.. it's like you don't realize how much it already bothers me and you just keep mentioning it. This is a huge decision.. especially if there is going to be doctors, needles and lots of money that I don't have and shit. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to force it yet.

Give it time.. it will come and I will go when I'm ready.


blogging just to blog

I haven't written for a while. Suppose I just didn't think there was much to write about. Or that what has been on my mind isn't worth writing about or probably shouldn't be written here.

Something I probably should have blogged about.. I GOT MARRIED... sheesh. I got married and didn't even write about it. As it is, anyone who actually would take the time to read this already knows that I got married. For anyone that cares.. I got married on May 22, 2009. There.. I blogged about getting married. Consider this done.

So today.. the thing I have been thinking about is weird. Do you ever wish you had a life soundtrack? You know.. kinda like when you watch a movie and when the people are moving through the mundane parts of their day they have a song playing while there is no dialog. So on those days when I am sitting at my desk, or driving my car, or when I'm cleaning the litter boxes and I'm just alone and thinking.. i would like to have music playing in my head. Almost as if I had earbuds in and was listening to my iPod however the song would fit the time of my life and what was going on at the moment and my mood.. no one else could hear it.. just in my head.. no earbuds necessary. Unless of course I was in a conversation and it would fade into the background and I either couldn't hear it or it was extremely faint because HOW annoying would that be!

anyway.. that's where I'm at today. Oh.. and I'm thinking about trying to learn the guitar.
Whaddya think?


Mothers day cake

I like to bake.. and this is my favorite cake to bake.. and it is probably one of the best looking ones I've made to date.. shame I didn't get a picture of it after it was cut.. but alas.. the cake is gone.


The Storms..

Do you like the rain?   It's been raining and I love it when the rain stops for a moment and the sun is shining through the gray clouds and the yellows and greens become more vivid.  The grass and trees are so beautiful right now.  Flowers are starting to bloom and the land is starting to become more peaceful after the hard cold winters.  I can smell the rain, it is like a potion.. It takes me back to long summers at the lake.. taking walks in open fields..  and exploring in the woods.  I do miss those days but the smell of the rain takes me back.  Back to days that were easier.. back when life seemed so much sweeter.  I miss the country..  I miss the peace that it would bring to me.  I loved the way it smelled and sounded..  I can only hope that I will occasionally be blessed with days where I can get a glimpse back to the life where I had no worries.  I hope that someday I will be able to go back..  back to a land where I feel at peace with me and with the world.  To a day when I can step out into the grass..  hand and hand with the man I love... we lift our faces to the sun and just soak it in..


lunch has become a chore..

Today I had to figure out what to eat based on these criteria:

1. not messy (no sauces or gravy's that would drip and/or cause my hands to become sticky or dirty)
2. Something that can be eaten with one hand as the other hand is too busy to eat.
3. Something with a fork.. forks are our best friends as we don't like messes (see #1)
4.  All in one.. not something that has multiple parts.  So soup and salad is OUT!

What did I decide on?!!    

Chipotle Burrito Bowl!  Easy.. no sauces.. Fork!..  All in one!!

One hand can now shovel food into my face and the other can happily work!


Sundays are best when..

After a long day of work I am taken to Sheridan's for a strawberry concrete... That was muchly needed.

Another sunday favorite.. fresh sheets on the bed.

A week where I have probably worked over 80 hours deserves a strawberry concrete and fresh clean sheets right? I think so.. and if you don't.. then picture me giving you the finger and curling up in my fresh sheets for a lovely nights rest.

(I'd add pictures however right now I cannot get pictures off my camera because the mans computer has a bad temper.. maybe I should fix the problem like they do on the Russian Space Station... just a thought)



Today I received an email from a friend with a link to a video called Lost Generation.   This is the second place winner of a contest held by AARP (American Association of Retired People) called  U@50.

This video was submited by a young woman of 20 years.

As I watched this video all I could do is sigh because it all seemed so true.   Then things changed...  and it brought tears to my eyes.  I do believe this is beautiful.   I hope you do too.


This Chair

This chair hurts my back.  I think it is also a strain on my soul.   Day in and day out I sit in this chair.  Very often when I sit in this chair I do nothing that is really meaningful to anyone, especially myself.  Why is it that I then have to sit in this chair.  This chair that hurts my back and drains the life from my face.  I sit here and wonder what I could be doing.   I could be walking my dog and watching her enjoy the new smells of the grass up the street.  I could be standing in the kitchen of a friends drinking wine and making dinner and enjoying a good laugh.  Everyone needs a good laugh and good friends and good wine. Right? I could be kneeling in the dirt watching the fruits grow from my black earth. I could be laying in a hammock enjoying the smells that the breeze brings me and reading a good book.  But I sit and sit and sit..  sitting, sitting, sitting.  This chair holds me hostage even though I'm not tethered to it.  But day in and day out I find myself stuck to this chair and no idea how to get out of it.  Always so afraid of what would happen if I walked away.  I stare into the blank stares of my friends that glow back at me from my only window to the outside that is powered by the clicking of my fingers.  This chair has seen me through a lot and though I feel so close and I hold onto it thinking my life would end should I let go, I so dearly wish to let go.  Let me shed my tears in the real sunlight instead of behind a window that I can never open and feel a breeze through.  Let my laughs ring out across the land instead of an echo-less three letter word; lol.....   Again I sit...  and stare.   The sun, the trees, the breeze, the rain, they all are calling my name to join them.   Maybe someday I will let go.   Till then, I will keep this chair company.



Today I miss my house in Raytown.  I was looking at pictures today and ran across a picture I took of Eric sitting on the couch when we lived there.  I miss the light that came into the house.  It was always very light in there during the day.  I also miss the smallness of the place.  As much as I bitched about not having enough space I kinda miss it.   I miss the closeness of it all.  It was harder for two people to be so separated by the things that they are doing because they were only one room away instead of upstairs and down the hall.  Now when I try to find Eric I have to walk through the house calling his name upstairs and down.  I feel so separated by it all.  Our current house isn't huge but it is much bigger and sometimes he feels miles away.

So my opinion of it..  bigger isn't better when it comes to homes.   Love your small hallways that make you connect with your loved one as you pass them.   Love your small kitchens and how quickly it is to clean it up and the constant "bumping" into your spouse or kids when you both are in there.  Love your small homes while they are yours.  Cherish those memories and those connections. 

On the other hand..  Yards are always better bigger!   The bigger the better!



Today I've been listening to some lovely music mostly consisting of Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong. I sit here at work and dream of where I would like to be right now.....

In a dark and smokey lounge with a band playing the music of Ella and Louis and other music of that era. A dark booth in the corner close to the band and obscured from most of the other patrons. A good bottle of wine and intimate conversation with a handsome man. While I enjoy sitting and listening to the music the thing I love the most is dancing. Dancing so close that you can't tell where one person stops and the other begins. Slow and without care. Feeling as if we are the only people in the room. My head resting in the crook of his neck. Taking in the smell of each others skin. Relaxing in each others arms letting the stress melt away.

That is were I am today.. where my dreams have taken me.


should be sleeping

It is the end of a 3 day weekend. This weekend was pretty great and completely unexpected. Friday we did a little shopping at Lowe's for a ceiling fan and an electric radiator. That evening we stayed in and just took it easy. Which was probably the best thing we could have done considering what the next two days brought us. Saturday I hooked up with a friend I haven't seen for far too long. We met up for breakfast at Atlanta Bread Co and chatted for a couple of hours. Another friend showed up toward the end of breakfast that I hadn't seen for awhile also. Celia & Christina.. It was good to see you again! Looking forward to more breakfasts! I went home after breakfast and Eric had gone out to a friends house for a few hours so to kill time I set out to install our new ceiling fan in the bedroom. I had to pat myself on the back for getting it up with no problems. I'd post a picture but I don't want to inflict the pain which is the crazy wallpaper on my bedroom ceiling upon you. After Eric got home we decided to go out. We decided upon O'Malley's. We normally don't go up to Weston on Friday or Saturdays but we thought what the heck. I looked up the band that was playing and they sounded pretty cool.. so we set out for Weston, MO. We got there and it was PACKED! Eric managed to find a table with a group of people that so kindly shared with us and we sat back and enjoyed the musical styling of Connacht Town. While there we ran into Wendy who we had met I believe on St Patrick's day up in Weston earlier last year. Of course I couldn't remember her name correctly and we called her Mindy.. but hey.. they sound alike! Anyway toward the end of the night Wendy came and sat with us and we had a blast. Met a few members of the band which by the way was amazing and I will see them play again! The lovely Wendy then introduced me to a shot called Irish Blow Job. So I proceeded to get drunk! I had a blast. As we were leaving Mike (one of the owners of O'Malley's) and Wendy asked us back on Sunday.. and we said Sure!! Why Not!! (first mistake). Sunday came and we went back up to Weston and we met up with Wendy again and I then had 3 1/2 pints of Magnars Cider, 2 Irish Blow Jobs, and 1 Irish Car Bomb.. I was wasted and we had a blast. I got so drunk I wasn't sure if I'd make it home without losing all the contents in my stomach.. We said our goodbyes and poor Eric had to drive a whiny drunk me home.. I always seem to remember how much fun it is to get drunk but never remember early enough how much it sucks to be so damn drunk and the pain it inflicts later.. It was amazingly awful. I did make it home and through the rest of the night without losing it. I had such a good time and hope Wendy considers us friends.. as we do her. So now it is Monday and Eric and I woke up feeling like crap but not really hungover. I was smart enough to take some Advil before I went to bed. We went out for breakfast and then got some more shopping done today and some laundry. I should have gotten more things done around the house this weekend but there is always tomorrow. So now I am sitting in bed and Eric is at work. Finally time to call the weekend over. I'm off to sleep now and hope I can get to sleep quickly and sleep soundly so that I can get up and go to work tomorrow and be productive. To Wendy, I'm glad we got to hang out and I hope we get together again soon and maybe have a couple of Irish Blow Jobs again!; Celia, it was good to catch up, till next month; Mike, I'm glad you got to see me! Ha!; Lauren, Coy, Justin & Jodie.. Thanks for sharing the table and all the laughs at O'Malley's; Eric, I always enjoy spending time with you and I already miss you and it's only Monday..... And Goodnight.


train of thought..

Sitting in bed.. listening to a bunch of lovely ladies singing songs that I wish I could write.
What could I write about 2008.. hmm.. not a whole lot. But it wasn't a bad year.. became an aunt for the second time.. she is so lovely.. got engaged.. love that man so so very much.. found some great music... still can't stop listening to kate nash... also found sia.. very nice another aussie.. i wish I could write such pretty things... makes me miss playing an instrument but I don't have time for that right now.. don't feel like i have time for much of anything.. little brother got engaged.. crazy... little brother getting married.. trying to plan my wedding.. not getting much done.. need more money and need it faster than it is showing up.. hoping work stress is less this new year.. last year work stress was pretty bad.. cried a lot about work.. skin problem on scalp very bad currently... missing my hair.. hope it comes back soon.. no babies for me yet.. still trying still hoping.. found Lenka also.. lovely singer sounds so upbeat in all her songs.. so lovely.. wish I could paint.. again no time... felt lonely a lot this past year... lost two furry kids.. still miss them so much.. they were with me for too short of time.. want a puppy but decided it wasn't time.. still miss dad.. realizing that a 30 year old woman still needs her father.. nothing fixes things like hugs from dad.. realize how much I look like my mother.. kinda crazy... but a good thing.. love her.. love my crazy family.. want more nieces and nephews.. wish I had more time with them.. wish they had everything they needed with less stress.. wish I could cook without having to clean dishes... wish I didn't have to clean at all.. but that isn't happening anytime soon.. so many projects so little time so not enough money.. got a knitting project started.. might actually finish this new scarf by the time winter is over.. love my dog and love my cats.. life would suck without furry creatures to cuddle with.... realize every day how much more I love eric.. I wish I could find a word that actually explained how much I loved eric... reminds me of some of my favorite lyrics from a kate nash song... `Well the stars up in the sky and the leaves in the tree All the broken bits that make you trip up and the grassy bits inbetween All the matter in the world, that’s how much I like you’... so lovely.. think it's time to finish this up as i'm a girl and this could go on forever.. finally.. I got some pictures off my camera.. here are the pictures from the trip to Eureka Springs.. love you all.. and wishing you the best 2009.