happy-ness is...


1. Le Creuset 9" Stoneware that also came with a nice petite square dish!
** I now have 3 Le Creuset stoneware pieces and I LOVE them!

2. Prep bowls by Food Network

3. Farberware 10" and 8" Affiniti skillets

4. Food Network 5qt Enamel coated Cast Iron Dutch Oven (can't find a picture of this online. but it's red and pretty and heavy!)

Just a few things that make me happy and want to cook..

recent google searches....

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)




21-hydroxylase deficiency

Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH)

Non-classical Adrenal Hyperplasia (NCAH)


This is my life right now. It's been confusing, maddening, scary, frustrating..

Nothing is yet confirmed.. we are in a holding pattern for a week or so.

these words just race through my head on a constant basis right now. If you see me staring at a wall wondering what I'm thinking, I am just running these words thorough my head over and over. they just won't leave me alone right now.


My husband probably won't be happy that I posted this but i needed to get it out. I needed to open it up to the universe so that I can hopefully let some of this frustration go.

Right now I am sitting at work reading the same website over and over.

I keep hoping this isn't something that I will have to take meds for the rest of my life for.. but that is a very real possibility.

I keep searching for homeopathic ways to treat.. came up with 0 so far. Not sure there is a way. I could just let it go but then the hopes of getting pregnant are slim to none.

This is where i'm at.. it sucks... and I wait.


a mess i don't know how to clean up..

...then again i probably do.

ugg.. my life is a mess.. actually it's not my life so much as it is my house!! which then makes my life feel like a mess..

This place is a disaster. I'm really not sure what to do with it.

I want to simplify. I want to purge. I want to make this easier on myself. I want to walk into my house and feel relaxed not stressed about the mess.

I've been reading a couple of blogs lately about people simplifying their lives. out of necessity (saving money), out of just wanting to, out of the fact that they are about to embark on a year long journey in an RV. (now that really sounds fun) So they all have limited amounts of clothing and things. They choose the things that are necessary for day to day living and then a few things they just can't live without. all the other stuff .... they sell or give away.

To me that sounds liberating. just let a lot of it go. I want to do that! I don't know how to do that...

I don't think i could pair down my clothes to only one or two weeks worth. it would however make laundry easier. Eric and I did just go through all of our clothes and I now have 9 paper grocery bags of clothes sitting in my entry that we need to give away. I think all in all we did good there. but I still have a lot of clothes. Lets not even talk about shoes! Though i'm doing better. I did pair down because I found a laundry basket of shoes in the closet that I haven't even looked at for a year. I looked at them thinking.. oohh.. shoes... then said screw it.. and they are now in the pile to give away. I could probably even get rid of a few more... which i think i will probably do around summer.

we also recently went through all the books in the library. We pulled a lot that we don't want any more and we need to take them up to the half price book store and see how many they will take. The money we make off those will go toward a new mattress.

But it's really all the other stuff around the house... i look around and all i see is stuff i have to clean or dust. And if you know me.. i don't really do either of those things. ugg.. I don't mind cleaning but there is SO MUCH STUFF that I have to dust, vacuum, clean off, move and clean under.. blah.

I really want to just go room to room and just start tossing things. but i don't just want to toss them in the trash. though I'd do it just to get them out of my house!! But really... that isn't the best thing to do. But then I have all this crap sitting around my house in boxes, bags, piles that i need to give, sell, take somewhere.. and as I have mentioned before. LAZY...

Those bags of clothes.. they have already been there for almost a week. the books.. a couple of weeks. there is crap on the front porch that has been there for months that i need to give away.

a garage/yard sale is out of the questions (lazy). I have NO patients for them. Ebay.. yeah right. Eric is constantly talking about selling the crap we want to get rid of on ebay.. umm that was years ago. hasn't sold one thing on there yet! Actually have 3 boxes of Magic cards sitting right beside me now in the office that he needs to get rid of. ugg.. all that makes the dumpster look lovely. (but I won't do it)

Pairing down is such a hard thing to do for me with some things. I also think it is even harder for Eric. Though he is not as bad has his grandfather (thanks bob.. we still have some of your crap in our basement, and under the carport and floating around in our house) but he likes his stuff.

Another problem of ours.. mail.. oh the dreaded mail. if I ever don't make it into work someday it's probably because a pile of mail and papers of some sort have fallen on top of me an I am pinned under it.. probably dead by the shear mass of it all. I have gone to paperless billing on any of my bills that will let me.. so my contribution to this mess has dwindled.. but it still comes. and I try to throw things away.. it's the stuff we need to keep and organize that we have problems with. I probably already have a kid and just don't know it because it is shoved somewhere in one of the many stacks of papers we have around the house.

I have too much of everything.. to many dishes and silverware and tupperware.. it sure would make doing dishes easier if I didn't have all that crap! I would still definitely keep all my really nice stuff that I only get out on special occasions but really.. why do I need like 50 forks!!! that is insane! And because I hate doing dishes.. i will use ALL of them before I do dishes.. then it takes me a week to get caught up.. again INSANE!

simplify.. my home.. my life..

I really want to be able to buy the things I really like but not burden myself with the clutter. don't they always say less is more. everything in moderation..

granted I will never get rid of all my books.. i love books. I'd rather go down to 5... no 4.. maybe even 3 pairs of shoes before I got rid of my books.

I just need to figure out how i'm going to do it and how i'm going to convince my husband to go along with it when I say I want to get rid of the statues on top of the TV armoire. I think i will win on somethings.. and lose big time on others..

I want to try.. i need to. I need to lighten my load and my house. get my ass off the couch/computer chair and get to gettin.

wish me luck!


I cooked!

Today I cooked! I haven't actually cooked for a while unless you call throwing a frozen pizza in the oven or a frozen burrito in the microwave. We haven't been eating out quite as often but still I haven't had the cooking bug. (i hate my kitchen.. but that's a story for another day)

So Eric and I had gone to one of our favorite restaurants, The Vineyards Restaurant, in Weston a few weeks ago and had this most wonderful appetizer that I still can't get over. It was a rice & sausage stuffed acorn squash. It was savory and sweet and absolutely to die for. The last time I ate there was this weekend for Valentines day.. and I exclaimed how I would totally make out with the cook (Love you Becky!!), the food is that good. I had duck for the first time and damn.. that is pretty much all i can say.. Oh-Ma-Gah! Go there, Eat! Anyway.. back to the acorn squash.

So I completely fell head over heals for this squash. So I talked to Becky/cook/co-owner/sweet friend about a few of the ingredients.. so I only remember a few but I had a basic idea because I really wanted to try and make it.. So tonight I winged it!

She used wild rice.. i used jasmine rice.
She used cranberry compote... i used crasins (dried cranberries) I'm lazy what can i say!
She also mentioned something about molasses.. i have that!
and maple syrup... i have some fat free stuff.. works for me but pure maple syrup is heaven but currently not in my pantry!
and sausage.. so I picked up some sage sausage.. thought it sounded good.

Here is an absolutely awful picture of my end result.

This is half of the squash as eric and i shared it for dinner..
It was GOOD! I did GOOD! Damn Look at me GO!!

So this is what I did.. and mind you I didn't measure anything..

Preheat oven to 400 degrees
Cut a small portion of the bottom of the acorn off so that it stands up straight on a pan.
Cut the cap off the top of the squash(keep) and spoon out all the seeds and stuff.. (I had to make eric smell the inside of the squash.. i love freshly cut squash.. smells delish!) Set aside.
In skillet brown a small portion of sausage.. i think i used about 1/4lb.. I was only making one squash and there was enough stuffing for two.. like i said i didn't measure anything.
Remove sausage from skillet into a bowl.
In same skillet i added just a bit of chicken broth to deglaze (you can use white wine but i didn't have any on me)
Add diced onions.. about 1/4 c. or however much you want. Cook till softened.
Add a handful of crazins or however many you want.
Add a some chopped walnuts.. yummy
Add rice.. i had steamed 1 cup dry rice.. about 3 cups after cooked while i was browning the sausage. ADD IT!
Then I added rosemary, thyme, more sage.. cause you really can never have enough sage! salt and pepper.
THEN.. i drizzled some molasses on top and then some of the syrup.
Mix'er up!
This is when you taste away.. check it out.. i had to add a bit more syrup and some salt. you want to get the sweet and savory at just the right level. YUM.
Take off heat. Grab a pan to cook your squash on. put a piece of parchment down, so it's easy cleanup!
Set your pretty squash on tray and drop a dollop of butter in the bottom of that sucker.
Fill up that squash with your rice mixture. Don't stuff it in there though.. just fill'er up and place that cute little top back on. Don't go for perfection or anything.. a little extra won't kill anyone! my cap did not fit back on perfectly..
Stick it in the oven for about 45 minutes or until you can stick it with a fork and it goes in easily.
I checked at 45 minutes and it was ready to come out.. but i burnt my hand like an idiot so it cooked about 5 minutes longer because I had to stick my hand under cold running water for a minute... anyway!
I pulled the squash out.. and it smelled sooo good.

I cut it down the center and split it with my husb... but not before I heated up more of the left over rice mixture and added it on top! Also.. scrap all that squashy goodness out of the cap because YUM!

and enjoy!

I sure did!

(sorry i don't have more pictures.. i took that ugly one with my phone. plus i wasn't sure how this would turn out. when i make again i'll post better pictures!)