2.09.2009

This Chair

This chair hurts my back.  I think it is also a strain on my soul.   Day in and day out I sit in this chair.  Very often when I sit in this chair I do nothing that is really meaningful to anyone, especially myself.  Why is it that I then have to sit in this chair.  This chair that hurts my back and drains the life from my face.  I sit here and wonder what I could be doing.   I could be walking my dog and watching her enjoy the new smells of the grass up the street.  I could be standing in the kitchen of a friends drinking wine and making dinner and enjoying a good laugh.  Everyone needs a good laugh and good friends and good wine. Right? I could be kneeling in the dirt watching the fruits grow from my black earth. I could be laying in a hammock enjoying the smells that the breeze brings me and reading a good book.  But I sit and sit and sit..  sitting, sitting, sitting.  This chair holds me hostage even though I'm not tethered to it.  But day in and day out I find myself stuck to this chair and no idea how to get out of it.  Always so afraid of what would happen if I walked away.  I stare into the blank stares of my friends that glow back at me from my only window to the outside that is powered by the clicking of my fingers.  This chair has seen me through a lot and though I feel so close and I hold onto it thinking my life would end should I let go, I so dearly wish to let go.  Let me shed my tears in the real sunlight instead of behind a window that I can never open and feel a breeze through.  Let my laughs ring out across the land instead of an echo-less three letter word; lol.....   Again I sit...  and stare.   The sun, the trees, the breeze, the rain, they all are calling my name to join them.   Maybe someday I will let go.   Till then, I will keep this chair company.

1 comment:

mbsings said...

did you find a way to read my mind? i feel completely thwarted by this chair as well. very well written. poetic even :)