1.25.2010

I am what I am...

I was reading Jewel's blog today (yes the singer Jewel) and she writes a bit about what I have been thinking about a lot recently. She even wrote a song about it.. imagine that..

Basically she talks about how we view ourselves. How we are what we are and how we try so hard to be what we aren't because we don't think we are good enough, strong enough or beautiful enough.

This is something I fight with myself and my emotions a lot with. I believe I am getting better and trying hard to keep from thinking that I'm not smart or beautiful enough. But it is hard. I believe I have done well surrounding myself with people that love me for who I am. They believe I am smart and beautiful. It's me I have a problem with. This person inside that just can't see what they see. I don't think I'm an idiot or am ugly.. i just don't see myself where I want to be. I don't see what my friends and family see.

I tell myself that I want to be liked for "who I am".... but who am I when I don't relax and just let it be.. let myself relax and like the things I like and dislike the things I dislike? I think as I have gotten older it has become much easier for me to realize who I am and to start to like myself. To not avoid mirrors because I don't like what I see. Slowly but surely I am looking in the mirror and seeing less faults and a beautiful woman appear. Someone who IS strong and who IS smart. To realize that it is OK to not have an opinion on something and that doesn't mean I'm not smart. It just means I don't have an opinion. It's ok to not know the proper word to get what I want to say across.. I can laugh at myself more. I can ask questions when I don't understand and not feel like the stupid girl. I can wear clothes that don't cover my knees because I thought they were ugly. I am becoming more comfortable with me.

The song Jewel wrote has a lot of meaning for me. I want that to be something I strive for.. to understand that I am what I am.. It's ok to be me.. And to see that I am good enough, strong enough, & beautiful enough.. For ME! It is important to believe those things about yourself.

Here are the Lyrics to her song:
WHAT YOU ARE (Jewel and Dave Berg)

I’M DRIVING AROUND TOWN
KINDA BORED WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED DOWN
I SEE A GIRL ON A BUS STOP BENCH
DRESSED TO DRAW ATTENTION
HOPING EVERYONE WILL STARE
IF SHE DON’T STAND OUT
SHE THINKS SHE’LL
DISAPPEAR
I WISH I COULD HOLD HER, TELL HER, SHOW HER
WHAT SHE WANTS IS ALREADY THERE

A STAR IS A STAR
IT
DOESN’T HAVE TO TRY TO SHINE
WATER WILL FALL
A BIRD JUST KNOWS HOW TO FLY
YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL A FLOWER HOW TO BLOOM
OR LIGHT HOW TO FILL UP A ROOM
YOU ALREADY ARE WHAT YOU ARE
AND WHAT YOU ARE - IS BEAUTIFUL

I HEARD A STORY THE OTHER DAY
TOOK PLACE AT THE LOCAL V.A.
A FATHER TALKING TO HIS DYING SON
THIS WAS HIS CONVERSATION:
IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS
YOU CAN’T GO FIRST, I CAN'T HANDLE IT
THE BOY SAID DAD, NOW DON’T YOU CRY
REMEMBER WHEN I WAS A CHILD WHAT YOU USED TO TELL ME
WHEN I’D ASK WHY, YOU’D SAY...

GRAVITY IS GRAVITY
IT
DOESN’T TRY TO PULL YOU DOWN
A STONE IS STONE
IT CAN’T HELP BUT HOLD IT’S GROUND
THE WIND JUST BLOWS THOUGH YOU CANNOT SEE
IT’S EVERYWHERE JUST LIKE I WILL ALWAYS BE
ALREADY ARE WHAT YOU ARE
AND WHAT YOU ARE - IS STRONG ENOUGH

LOOK IN THE MIRROR
NOW THAT’S ANOTHER STORY TO TELL
I GIVE LOVE TO OTHERS
BUT I GIVE MYSELF HELL
I HAVE TO TELL MYSELF
IN EVERY SEED THERE’S A PERFECT PLAN
WHAT I HOPE TO BE I ALREADY AM


A FLOWER IS A FLOWER
IT
DOESN’T HAVE TO TRY TO BLOOM
LIGHT IS LIGHT
IT JUST KNOWS HOW TO FILL A ROOM
DARK IS DARK
SO THE STARS HAVE A PLACE TO SHINE
THE TIDE GOES OUT
SO IT CAN COME BACK ANOTHER TIME
GOODBYE MAKES HELLO SO SWEET
AND LOVE IS LOVE SO THAT IT CAN TEACH US
THAT WE ALREADY ARE WHAT WE ARE
AND WHAT WE ARE - IS BEAUTIFUL
AND STRONG ENOUGH
AND GOOD ENOUGH
AND BRIGHT ENOUGH....

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